[挖真相]促妻子忍让丈夫暴力倾向?断章取义 先入为主 事态严重

新闻起源：妇女、家庭与社会发展部副部长西蒂再拉（Siti Zailah Mohd Yusoff）昨天发表视频，提供家庭和睦相处三大“贴士”，结果引起批评。伊斯兰姐妹会直言，该视频的隐含讯息让人无法接受，等于纵容家暴，以及不了解家暴的因由。伊斯兰姐妹会认为，该视频言下之意是，面对伴侣的暴力倾向，女性必须接受、保持耐心并原谅他们。Source：https://m.malaysiakini.com/news/520069

行動管制第二十六天。

曾經我被邀請到電臺討論有關夫妻過年返鄉到底應該去婆家還是去娘家。在解釋我的立場之前，我說：“除夕夜和大年初一在婆家過，初二才回娘家是華人的傳統。所以按傳統，嫁出去的女人初二才可以回娘家。”

那一晚我就受到一些網友的批評，說對我極度失望，竟然支持如此封建過時的傳統。我感覺有點莫名奇妙，就問清楚他們到底有沒有把我的完整訪問内容聽完。如我所料，當他們聽到我說以上那句話時立刻很生氣地給我留言然後關掉收音機，拒絕聼下去。

多遺憾。如果他們繼續聼下去，在節目的後半段，我主張說“初二回娘家”只是過去留下來的傳統，現在的家庭都是少子家庭，很多夫妻可能只有一個女兒（如在下）或兩個都是女兒，那是不是表示這些夫妻注定老了以後都要冷清孤獨吃團年飯？社會一直在改變，未來或許男方和女方可以協商，今年到婆家過年，明年到娘家過年。

當然，我沒有生氣那些抨擊我的讀者。我也想學習，所以懇請他們把我説不對的那一段告訴我，好讓我日後可以避免重犯。結果音訊全無，應該是unfollow了我，完全不理我了。

這就是“斷章取義”和沒把完整故事聽完的危險。尤其是在網絡時代，我們凡事都講求速度，習慣只看標題，用兩、三秒鐘讀了前面幾句和後面幾句就下結論，不願意做太深入的研究，所以經常人云亦云、道聽途説，哪裏一出現落水狗，一群網民立刻群起圍毆，一人一棍痛打落水狗，不亦樂乎。

昨天看見很多網民紛紛分享有關婦女、家庭以及社會發展部副部長又失言的報導，說什麽“爲了家庭和諧，女人應該原諒和容忍施暴的丈夫”。哇！這樣的新聞，身爲“女權主義者”的我怎可以放過？貴爲婦女部副部長竟然如此公開貶低女性，我還不爭取機會大做文章，好好show time一番？

於是我搜索了相關報導，基本上各報標題很一致，都是影射這位副部長勸告婦女們要容忍家暴。很多社會領袖也發文告譴責這位副部長的言辭，有的甚至下重話，批評她沒資格當副部長。

咦？這位副部長到底説了什麽？我很好奇。

我找到了那段備受爭議的視頻，准備了筆記本，要寫下她説錯話的那段原文。

以下是我簡單的翻譯和節錄：

副部長說長時間的行管可能對家庭造成一些壓力（tekanan），從而引發家庭問題 （permasalahan dalam rumah-tangga），甚至是家庭暴力（keganasan dalam rumah-tangga）。

她說她的部門很關心這些問題，所以她提出三點建議 （tips）：

第一，當我們發脾氣時，（她舉例有時候爸爸、媽媽或孩子都會發脾氣），找機會坐下來，如果坐下來還不行，那就躺下來，讓自己情緒得以冷靜。回教徒可以用清水洗净自己（wuduk）。脾氣來時，學會安靜不語。她舉例說，丈夫可能無法容忍太太的嘮叨，但先嘗試靜下來，不出聲。同樣的，當太太面對正在發脾氣的丈夫時，先不反駁、不頂嘴，讓對方的情緒先冷靜下來。

第二，與家人和好（bersangka baik）。當衝突發生時，我們要懂得往我們配偶（pasangan，她沒針對女人而説）好的一方面看。丈夫也許不喜歡太太某一方面，但太太仍有一千種優點值得丈夫欣賞。同樣的，太太或許不喜歡丈夫某一點，但丈夫仍有一千樣强項可以得到太太認可。她還提出兩個我們經常要挂在嘴邊的magic word: 感恩（sentiasa berterima kasih）和道歉（sentiasa meminta maaf）。她說好的父母是懂得自己做錯時向孩子們道歉，而孩子們犯錯時也要向父母道歉。學會互相道歉可以讓我們家庭關係更密切。

第三，加强信仰。她呼籲穆斯林向上蒼祈禱，祈求得到啓發和智慧。她也引用了回教的經典。最後她說：“Keluarga yang hebat adalah keluarga yang sentiasa mendoakan ahli keluarganya.”

結束前，她說她的部門準備了兩條熱綫（Talian Kasih 15999 或 Whatsapp 019-2615 999），任何面對家庭問題或家暴的人士可以撥電尋求幫忙，她的部門會在最短時間内提供援助。

（我弟弟很用心地把副部長整段視頻的原文抄寫成文字，想要更理解副部長說了什麽的朋友可以點擊以下鏈接。裏面也附上有關視頻。https://www.facebook.com/sispson/posts/10157488205808842）

咦？？哪一段說女人要原諒和容忍有暴力傾向的丈夫？難道我不小心miss掉？我再看一次。對不起，讓大家失望了，我已經看了三次，還是找不斷到底哪一段有提到太太要容忍丈夫的暴力行爲。

按我看，副部長的視頻很刻意地保持中立，用詞非常小心，男女各打一百大板。當她提到丈夫時，她也會提到太太。她針對的是pasangan（配偶），而不是太太或丈夫。不管是男女，這些建議tips 都適用。

請不要發揮我們的想象力，把別人的言辭拖到太遠。配偶發脾氣時，要你學會暫時保持沉默，不發難，不反擊，等暴風雨過去，是婚姻生活極度重要的溝通技巧（而且是不論男女都要學的技巧），并不是要你受到了肢體攻擊，還靜靜在那裏選擇原諒和容忍。那是把別人沒説過的話硬硬塞進別人嘴裏，那是不公平的。

我們可以不支持這後門政府，我們可以對伊斯蘭黨存有偏見，我們甚至可以懷疑她當副部長的資格，但是我們不可以扭曲他人的言論，嘩衆取寵，羊群效應地聞風起舞，在還沒真正瞭解別人想表達什麽之前，胡亂展開攻擊。網上已經不缺標題黨和鍵盤俠，不要再壯大他們的行列，散播仇恨。

之前婦女部鬧出哆啦A夢和太太居家工作要穿著得體的笑話，我們可以批評。但這一次，我們到底要批評什麽？（沉默三秒）

我們可以針對她提出的三個建議提出各自的看法，不管是同意還是反對，那是言論自由。但請記得，言論自由的意義是：我不同意你的看法，但我絕對捍衛你提出你看法的權利。

杜韓念
4月12日

Below is the video as mention by social media regarding our Timbalan Menteri Wanita ,Keluarga dan Masyarakat giving a short speech that hint about toleration toward domestic violence. Which caused an uproar among social media. Since the title and caption of the post mentioned our Timbalan Menteri is hinting we should tolerate domestic violence, the “hinting” which is quite vague in the context by media. But a lot of social media user have shared the post and expressed their anger. I think I need to watch the video clip, before I shared any negative emotion. I have also attached the transcript along with this video clip , for any cant understand what our Timbalan Menteri was said. The intention I was doing this is ,to encourage Always check the source first, before made any negative judgement , or otherwise we will be creating a false news by our own and defame somebody which is innocent or didnt shared the mentioned intention. (There is alot of Typo in the Transcript, If I couldn’t interpret, I will type X).

In the pkp atmosphere today, the atmosphere of our society today is getting more challenging, there may be pressure that the love family has experienced from the household, the household kerganasan, so that’s one thing that was mengwujub during the long pkp period.
I am aware of the possibility of concern among the community. The violence of the household is happening, this also becomes our concern at the ministry level. There is a doubt among the people, what action can be made by the government today. What is the solution, what is the solution to the issue that is against today.
As a step to deal with problems in the household. I want to share three tips or three ways, how about us to be menagangi, face this problem

First suggestion, is from tsp physical, the first, when facing angry condition, I understand when in half situation sometimes dad has a feeling of anger, mother has the feeling of being angry, the child feels like angry, then in the face of this situation, if We are in the condition of taking ourselves, taking our space to sit first, if we are in a sitting condition but there is still time (element) to be angry, maybe we need to rest, lay down first to fix our situation. This is not when we face the feeling of anger and the best for Muslims, take ablution. (God willing) will extinguish the fire of bad. Among other methods, when we face anger we can take a silent approach first. When we are a husband, when we hear the wife of Bereta (? ), let’s hold it first, be patient first, (God willing). As well as a wife who may face a husband who is angry, be patient first, don’t let us be patient, don’t let us be patient, be patient, (God willing), need to ease the the

The second method, from the mental corner, among the important things in marriage life is a good thought, we think good with our partner, to our children, and if there is something that can bring to the movement in the family. We should recite the goodness that is in our partner, maybe a husband does not like a wife’s deed. But there is a thousand goodness that is in our wives, there may be an act that the wife does not like the husband but there is a thousand goodness in our husbands. How for us to translate our good thoughts, to our family members and partners, we use two magic word it is, always thank you and always apologize if we have wrong with our partner. A good parent, is a parent who can apologize to the children. If we feel wrong. So it’s not one of the father to apologize to the child, and the child apologize to the parents, as well as the mother apologized to the child, the son of say sorry to the mother. Insyaallah, this network of love will strengthen our family’s atmosphere.

The third is from the spiritual corner, as a Muslim, we pray for prayer. Islam teaches us, always pray to (God). Among the prayers that we are asked to practice in the family is (as mention is video) x to us our life partner and children who become character exist in the eyes of the heart. A great family is a family that always prays to his family members

If (? ) our ministry, we provide a special line for families who are facing and menglibat in household violence or case case cases. So we welcome if there is violence among the family whether our neighbors are our family or our x friends. Please x to our line of love (Hotline 15999) or whatsapp us (019-2615 999)
(God willing), all complaints will be taken action immediately, so far the action has been taken against all complaints. And fast action is taken between 3-10 hours and (God willing) with cooperation given by various agencies including police, jkm, team team who advise those in need.

Thank God, the percentage of complaints received through the line of love has been taken action. I took this opportunity to say a million thanks especially to all the officers, and agency agencies have give such a good cooperation for us to deal with the issue that is happening in our society, so we are together to mengmaafkan the space provided by our government. (God willing) the government always cares for the needs of the people.